


courageous, but not quite

by onacoldnight



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, M/M, Medical Professionals, Surgeons, everyone is a doctor here, i don't know what i'm writing but i'm trying, slight angst, the fic no one asked
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 03:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16233668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onacoldnight/pseuds/onacoldnight
Summary: After having his heart broken by Sanghyuk, Jaehwan runs away from him and focuses on becoming a successful surgeon. Three years later, just as he thought he has already moved on, Sanghyuk reappears in his life to prove that he's so wrong.After all these years it never changed, Sanghyuk's smile.





	courageous, but not quite

It only felt like a minute has passed since he covered himself with his blanket when someone is waking him up, shaking his shoulders until he can't ignore it anymore.

"What do you need?" Jaehwan whines, flailing his arm to punch whoever's disturbing his much needed sleep.

"Wake up, the interns are coming!" The voice he recognizes as Wonshik's says, grabbing his blankets to pull him up. "Come on, Dr. Cha will introduce them to us."

"Can I just skip it? I just finished my rounds." Jaehwan mumbles. Introductions are not important right now, he can just meet them later. He's too exhausted, he wants to sleep the next five years of his life.

"It's ten in the morning, Jaehwan. You've been sleeping for five hours already." Wonshik points out, jumping off from his bed when Jaehwan starts kicking him. "Go down before Hakyeon sunbae drags you out of here by himself."

Jaehwan groans out loud, sitting up. Hakyeon can be aggressive if he wants to. And he doesn't want to experience it firsthand. "I'm still sleepy, fuck."

"You should wash up a bit, you stink." Wonshik says, before shutting the door behind him. He's alone in the quarters, a perfect opportunity to sleep peacefully; but he has patients to attend to, so sleep is out of the question right now.

Jaehwan slaps his face twice, and separates himself from his bed. He still has a very long day ahead.

  
××××××××××

  
Jaehwan is busy wiping his eyeglasses with his newly laundered scrubs when he hears Hakyeon, a first year fellow and one of his good friends in the hospital, introducing himself to a group of four people wearing white coats. Must be the new interns. He wears his eyeglasses back, and finds Wonshik and Hongbin standing just behind Hakyeon, excited smiles plastered on their faces.

"Oh, here's the latecomer." Hakyeon waves at him, and the interns all turn around to look at him. Jaehwan feels embarrassed at the attention they're giving him, until it melts down into surprise and disbelief, as soon as he meets the eyes with one of the interns.

"Jaehwan sunbae?" Sanghyuk points at him, a smile growing on his face. After all these years it never changed, his smile.

Jaehwan glances down at his worn out shoes, takes a deep and shaky breath, before looking back at Sanghyuk, feigning a smile. "Hey, Sanghyuk. It's been a while."

He walks to where the other residents are standing, feeling self-conscious all over again. Hakyeon asks the interns to introduce themselves one by one, and from the corner of his eye he sees Sanghyuk still staring at him.

When it's Sanghyuk's turn, Jaehwan tries not to look at him, choosing to just look at the nurses' station on his right side.

"I'm Han Sanghyuk, I came from the same med school as Jaehwan sunbae so we kinda know each other." He says way too enthusiastically. Jaehwan tries so hard not to look at him. "It's nice to meet you."

"Ah, so that explains everything. Good for you that you have someone you know here." Hakyeon says, completely unaware of Jaehwan's restlessness behind him. "Okay! So now, it's your turn to introduce yourselves. Jaehwan,"

He feels an elbow on his chest, and Hakyeon is giving him that scary smile. He clears his throat then, putting his hand up. "Hi, I'm Lee Jaehwan. Third year resident. Nice to meet you all."

After the introductions, Hakyeon explains some reminders, and then dismisses them. Jaehwan quickly squeezes himself between Hongbin and Wonshik, putting his arms on their shoulders and dragging them away. He hears Sanghyuk calling him, but pretends not to.

"Who is that Sanghyuk kid?" Hongbin asks, shrugging his arm off, as soon as they reach the wards. "You were too awkward back there."

"I thought I was the only one who noticed that!" Wonshik says. "Is he someone you had history with?"

Jaehwan scratches his neck, suddenly feeling frustrated with the questions bombarding him and the flashbacks clouding his mind right now. It's been three years since he last saw Sanghyuk, and just as he thought that it's all over now, Sanghyuk comes back and proves him that he's wrong. So, so wrong.

"We came from the same med school." He answers simply.

"Yeah, we know. He just said that." Hongbin says. "But you were awkward with him, you even pretended not to hear him when he was calling you."

Jaehwan sighs, he hasn't started doing his rounds but he's already tired. "I have no time to talk about him. I'm going to work now."

  
××××××××××

  
Jaehwan was in his third year in med school when he first met Sanghyuk, who was in his first year. He was just as nervous as Jaehwan when he was in his first year too, scared of what's ahead of him. Studying medicine would take too long to finish, and he was uncertain of his future. It was probably what Sanghyuk felt, and what drew Jaehwan into him.

Jaehwan didn't mean to let his affection towards Sanghyuk grow into attraction. It all started with Sanghyuk asking him to tutor him in some courses, until Jaehwan asking him to join their club specifically for students who are interested in general surgery. At first, Sanghyuk was just an intelligent junior he adored. They spent an awful lot of time together, and even shared some secrets with each other, that they were often mistaken as a couple.

Falling in love with someone like Sanghyuk was easy, but confessing to him was a lot more difficult than he had imagined.

It was Valentine's Day. Flowers and chocolates filled up their lockers and tables, most especially Jaehwan's. He was a bit popular with the girls - and even boys - back then, received confessions that made him feel so bad whenever he had to reject them.

Jaehwan brought a chocolate too, as he thought flowers were a bit too much, to give it to someone who he thought deserved the whole world.

And that someone came barging into their club room, a huge grin on his face.

"Jaehwan hyung." Sanghyuk approached, and put down a box of chocolates on his table. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Oh." Jaehwan couldn't fight the smile creeping up his face, feeling so hot all over. Sanghyuk just gave him a box of chocolates. That's telling something. It brought up the courage in him, and he rummaged in his bag for Sanghyuk's chocolate.

But even before he could take it out of his bag, Sanghyuk wasn't in front of him anymore, and he was shouting his classmate's name.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" He said, giving his classmate the same box of chocolates he gave Jaehwan moments ago.

He sagged on his seat, dropped the chocolate back in his bag. Suddenly, the chocolates didn't look sweet in his eyes.

He couldn't blame himself to think that those special gestures and attention he was getting from Sanghyuk meant something.

Jaehwan told himself he was going to confess, after his finals. After acing those exams, he would tell Sanghyuk everything. He wasn't sure about Sanghyuk's feelings about him, but he guessed there was no harm in trying.

He was wrong, though. He shouldn't have bothered.

He was about to jog up the stairs when he heard Sanghyuk talking, just a floor below him, and he was with someone whose voice Jaehwan couldn't recognize. When he peeked, he found Sanghyuk's hands were on her waist, and the distance between them could never be considered as pure platonic.

"Do you really have to go to that MT? I think I'm going to miss you so much."

Jaehwan felt cold, like someone had dumped a pail of ice cold water on him. His eyes felt hot.

He didn't want to interrupt some romantic moment so instead of continuing to eavesdrop he made a u-turn and ran to the nearest comfort room to lock himself in a cubicle. And for the very first time in his life, he cried. Hard. He cried so hard over his very first heartbreak.

"Stupid." He mumbled to himself, over and over again. It wasn't Sanghyuk's fault, Jaehwan was just too much for hoping that maybe the younger had feelings for him too. It was just plain stupid. And just to rub salt into the wound, Sanghyuk didn't trust him enough to tell that he's in a relationship.

It looked childish for some, but after that day, he just stopped. He stopped listening to Sanghyuk, stopped hanging out with him. He stopped caring. Sanghyuk didn't even notice anything, taking it as Jaehwan stressing out with his upcoming finals. At least it saved him from confrontations.

The damage had been done. After graduating, he just cut all the ties he had with him. He was being unfair to Sanghyuk, breaking off their friendship without the other knowing why. He focused on getting a license. He chose to apply in a university hospital far away, somewhere Sanghyuk wouldn't even consider going. He gave all his time to his patients, to learning, to the operating rooms. Now, Hakyeon says he's the top of their batch, and he has high chances of making it as the chief resident if he keeps the good job. Heartbreak indeed made some wonders into his life.

  
××××××××××

  
Of course, Jaehwan can't avoid Sanghyuk forever. They're in the same hospital anyway, in the same department.

He's busy searching on the patient database in the nurses's station when someone calls him from behind. He knows that voice all too well. He bites his bottom lip, closes the database window, and turns around to acknowledge Sanghyuk. "Hi, Sanghyuk. Do you need help with something?"

Sanghyuk just stares at him, and for a moment there Jaehwan thinks he's frozen on the spot, until he grabs him by his wrist and pulls him to the nearly empty hallway. Jaehwan is now trapped between him and the wall, and he has to look up a little to meet his eyes. The last time he saw him he was half a head taller than him. How did he grow up so much in such a short time?

"Hyung." Sanghyuk brings him back to the present, voice now stern. "I didn't hear anything from you for the past three years and this is what you're going to tell me first? Do you need help with something?"

Jaehwan hasn't thought of anything to tell Sanghyuk yet, so he remains quiet, unable to meet the other's eyes.

"What the hell happened, hyung?" Sanghyuk tries again, but he sounds frustrated already, like he bottled it up for years and years and waited for this very moment to burst everything at Jaehwan.

But when he finally comes up with something to say, it's still unhelpful. "Nothing happened."

"I should have trusted myself back then." Sanghyuk says, catching his attention as he looks back at him. "Did I do something wrong that you had to get away from me?"

Sanghyuk continues on rambling on how he couldn't contact him, that he tried searching everywhere for him after his graduation, but to no avail. Jaehwan sighs, ignoring that look of hurt on the younger's face. "I had some issues back then, Sanghyuk. I'm sorry but it was the only choice for me."

It's vague, but at least he said something. This conversation would take too long if he didn't say anything, knowing how persistent Sanghyuk can get. Sanghyuk steps back, but still not giving him a way out. "Hyung, I-"

"You really should go back to work now." Jaehwan cuts him off, patting Sanghyuk's arm. "It's really nice to see you again. I hope you'll like your stay here."

It's true, he's glad to see him again. He's glad that he's doing good for the past three years, just like him. Even though he triggers some memories that can still make Jaehwan a bit sad, he's mostly a part of his happy and stressful med school days. He was his close friend, after all.

Sanghyuk looks like he has something to say, but chooses not to open his mouth. Jaehwan smiles at that. "Work hard. I'll see you around."

Luckily for him, Sanghyuk doesn't chase after him.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since i wrote something, and this is the hospital au i've been wanting to write??? :)) i'm not a med student or someone who works in the hospital, everything is just from medical dramas i watched in the past + google hehehe
> 
> sorry if this is badly written :((


End file.
